I flew out to Portland today, I’m staying with an old friend I met while studying abroad in Spain. 11 years has gone by since the last time we saw each other and it’s one of those relationships where it feels like only 11 days days gone by. The older I become the rarer it is to have those…I do cherish it. It’s also a bit different because he never met Jessica, he and I met before Jessica and I had our first encounter so it was almost odd to speak about times pre-Jess. It is also exciting telling him a little bit about her…but it’s also a little uneasy telling tales of her and who she was. I know, however, that I will be doing this for the rest of my life so I better get used to it.
I was out with some of his friends, we were chatting about random topics throughout our 3 bar stint. At one of the local pubs the topic of wedding rings came up and I wasn’t wearing mine at the time…intentionally…but I’ll get to my reasoning in a moment. Anyway we discussed whether or not you sported you wedding ring while you worked out. With a history of selling jewelry and fine timepieces I am never an advocate of this due to the damage it can cause the ring and possibly your finger. But one of the guys claimed that he wore his ring while working out, and then he took it off to show us his tan line. It was pretty noticeable…he said “it’s not like anyone wouldn’t notice that I’m not married. The only reason not to wear your wedding ring is if you were trying to cheat or if your wife died or something like that.” Now he didn’t know my story and in his defense he wasn’t implying he takes his ring off to cheat…quite the opposite actually. He doesn’t even take it off at the gym.
This made me think of some awkward moments since Jess went to be with The Lord. I was adamant about wearing my wedding ring so that I could continue to honor my wife and our marriage until an encounter on a plane. I basically made a friend on the way back from Tucson to Chicago. I was wearing my wedding ring and he saw this and started to ask indirect questions about my wife, like “Do you and your wife live in the city” and “Is your wife picking you up from the airport?”. He was a very friendly guy and I just answered his questions in a roundabout way or dodged them completely. But that portion of our encounter left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I was worried about having to repeat this encounter with random strangers and the pain it would cause for me. It’s very, very painful trying to dodge questions about someone you are so accustomed to bragging about. Then the mental debate starts occurring on whether you should tell your new found friend of your wife’s passing and endure the awkward polite condolences from a complete stranger….and then the pity that follows.
So I’ve decided to not wear my ring for awhile when I’m traveling or in social situations so that I can see how that goes…but now I’m stricken with the guilt of not wearing my wedding ring. I’m also reminded of it so very often due to it’s departure….which happens when you get so used to wearing something that it feels odd when it’s gone…like a ghost of the item is still there in its place reminding you of it’s departure…and it should be…yet another surreal experience in a surreal existence.
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