My alarm goes off and it takes a second for everything to settle in, I check the time, hit snooze and then it hits me. I sometimes feel like I’ve woken up and overslept for work…the sudden rush of your situation setting in…the realization of your day not starting the way you want. Except it’s worse…much, much worse. I turnover to an empty bed and realize that my dreams seem more real than my actual existence. I feel like I’m living out the sad, sobby part of a book. It’s definitely a book because of the in-depth details. Every intricate little characteristic of my life leads back to her and the sad reality that’s she not here anymore. She’s been gone for exactly one month now….but she’s not. I feel her presence more now than ever. She is with me always and helping me in every aspect of my life, I’ve seen signs, I’ve heard her, felt her and see her working in my life and especially my grief. I will use this to my advantage. She is my guiding light…like an additional consciousness or “gut feeling”. I will figure out my path and not just make her proud of me…but proud of us. Thank you baby for truly being my inner light and life compass. I love you.
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