Trip of a Lifetime

I of course end up telling many people about my upcoming journey. When they ask the details, I share them. You see their faces light up, like kids hearing about Santa Claus. They start to ponder about the journey I’m about to embark on and how adventurous and amazing it’s going to be. I can see it in their faces when they start to think about all of the places they want to visit, cultures they want to experience, food they want to eat and people they want to befriend. It’s contagious, travel is a blessing and fuel for the soul.

I do appreciate the excitement they show but I do not share that excitement with them, not now anyway. I can absolutely relate to the jealousy they experience after I tell them I’m quitting my life and traveling the world. I was quite jealous of so many people for awhile when Jessica and I were battling cancer. Peoples lives continue to grow and change…they were having children, buying homes, getting new jobs and traveling. Our lives were stagnant…no growth…actually the complete opposite as it seemed. We had to give up our home, put 95% of our things in storage and move in with my parents. It’s like time was going backwards instead of forwards.

But now when I tell people that I’m going on this trip and I share it on social media I can tell that some are jealous…but they shouldn’t be. Jessica is gone, my life feels like a punishment no matter what adventure, excitement and journey lies ahead. This is not a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity…it’s a nightmare. I didn’t think my life was going to unfold this way, that I would have to say things like “my late wife” and “I’m traveling the world to soul search and heal”. I know that I am beyond blessed with this opportunity to volunteer, go on mission trips, soul search and experience so many different places and cultures all while honoring my wife but it doesn’t feel like a blessing. I pray to God that He makes this experience change me, no that’s not good enough…morph and recreate my entire existence so that I can be someone great. Someone truly amazing who inspires so many to be happier. I then pray their happiness will dull the pain and push out the despair in my life.