The absolute most powerful moment when volunteering came upon me in such a powerful way…I was donating my time at a children’s hospital…and this moment occurred in the burn unit. I have tried to paint a picture, relating my stories…as well as I could…so that others could see what I saw and feel what I felt when reading a journal entry…but now I feel a slight trepidation with the task of trying to capture the true essence and gravity of the moment which unfolded with these children….well with one child…with Valentina.
I should back up a bit though…I just arrived at the entrance of the burn unit after spending some inspiring time reading, coloring, playing and just speaking with some children recovering from injuries and surgeries in another unit. It was soup for the soul as they say. As we approached the entrance, our friend and guide for the day, Mark, stopped to ask us if we were prepared to go through with this…if we were physically and mentally prepared to witness what could be traumatizing to most. We all nodded with uncertainty, cleared our throats and proceeded.
We were welcomed at the entrance with looks of concern, fear, uncertainty, terror and most importantly hope…all through the watery eyes of parents standing just outside the hospital doors. I was entering a very somber world and felt somewhat honored to be a part of theirs…to share their pain, their fear and do anything possible to raise their hope. After scrubbing down and putting on our gowns we made our way through the hallway and came upon the first room, this was the ICU of the burn unit…the most serious cases. We peered through the green tinted windows at these children…some of who were tied down to the bed…malnourished, weak, unable to move, so tiny and fragile…their faces portraying such sadness…such misery…and the burns, they were just so horrible…so real…unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. I couldn’t keep my eyes on the children for more than a moment or two without my heading sinking on it’s own…as to give up…it was too much to bare…too much pain and sorrow. I closed my eyes and prayed, I prayed for their pain to be taken away…I prayed for immediate help from our Lord above…please free these poor innocent children from their pain…please do something right now for them…please release them from their suffering. I felt so powerless, a feeling I was familiar with.
I eventually made my way to the next two rooms, both with 5-6 children in them each…these kids were better off…further along in the healing process, so their spirits were higher and their suffering was minimal. I prayed again to thank God for walking with them along their journey and getting them to this point…but my prayers didn’t stop their…because I heard stories…stories of how some of these poor children didn’t receive their burns by accident…and to make matters worse the ones responsible were the same people who should have been protecting and loving them more than anyone else…their parents. How awful is that…I couldn’t believe how anyone could harm these beautiful little souls…first degree burns covering part or almost all of their bodies…making it difficult to tell if they are male or female. To say I was heartbroken would be an understatement…but one thing stood out within the appalling scene before me…these children were smiling…they were happy and even joyful. I’ve never felt more inspired about my own personal healing…I began to smile and laugh with them as they welcomed me into their lives, and little did I know that one child would end up helping me more than I did her.
I approached her crib timidly and cautiously…I am typically, humbly speaking, very good with children but I know you have to take your time and gently introduce yourself to test the waters at first…especially children who have been through too much for being so young…so I took my time when approaching this ten month old doll. Valentina was incredibly adorable and so well behaved as she scanned my face with curiosity and some slight confusion. She had a condition…a growth which caused her left hand to be “clawed”, the actual medical term is syndactyly, when all or some of the fingers are conjoined and the thumb is normal…all of her fingers were unfortunately fused together. Her other hand was a bit worse, it actually looked like the entire hand was taken over by a large bulbous tumor…her cute little fingertips barely stuck out and her hand was 3-4 times larger than the other. Her sweetness and innocence was immediately apparent as she tried to wipe her dark silky hair away from her beautiful light brown eyes…her ailment was not yet apparent for her…this poor little girl.
We bonded immediately, I played with her just as my father played with me when I was her age…the airplane hand that comes swooping down for a tickle attack. Her high squealed giggle bounced off the hospital walls as she squirmed to fight off my continuous attacks. We both tired out eventually and relaxed…I was slumped over the crib with one hand brushing her hair out of her face…my other hand being squeezed by both of hers…she melted into the tranquility of the moment…this sweet, sweet moment where we both became lost in time…lost in each others affection and love. I was breaking inside…my heart could tell that this precious little girl didn’t receive this kind of attention and she was basking in it…rightfully so…she deserved it and I needed to give it to someone else…after caring for my wife through good times and bad, sickness and health I have been longing to nurture another soul like this. I smiled as her eyes gently and slowly closed and opened as she enjoyed the tenderness and compassion shared between us.
I recall asking myself who was getting more out of this sweet perfect moment as I continued to brush the hair from her brow and caress her face. I started to recall similar moments throughout my life, moments that are so sweet and perfect that you know in that instant, in that exact moment, the right now…this is the good part of the storyline…the richest and most fulfilling part of life…the instance when you thank God for life and never forget how blessed you were to live it.
I started to recall these moments from my past…one after another…coming out of a room and entering one where Jess was doing some random task and I stopped dead in my tracks and thought, “I don’t want to live the rest of my life without her, I want to marry this beautiful woman.”…flying out to Michigan and requesting her father's permission for her hand in marriage…asking Jessica to be my wife on a cliff overlooking the sunset in Costa Rica…calling our parents and families to let them know of the good news…the moment I laid my eyes on her as she walked down the steps to where we exchanged our vows…when the doctors told us we would be able to have children after she beat her cancer…welcoming our one and only nephew into the world…hearing good news about her progress and relishing in The Lord’s glory…and finally sitting at her bedside, our hands embraced, moments before she passed into the next world and telling her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, how much I needed her and how much she would be missed.
I returned to reality and realized how young Valentina is…how she won’t remember this moment in the future…that this might just very well be one of the first special moments she has ever experienced. I watched as her eyes begin to tire and she drifted off to sleep and I brushed her hair one final time and realized how blessed I have been to have so many special moments in my life…I prayed for Valentina and her healing…I then thanked her for showing me so much…I thanked her for this sweet moment.
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