It is frankly amazing and incomprehensible how well connected your mind, body and spirit are. I have been majorly depressed two times now in my life, they are completely different kinds of depression and cannot even be compared. I have also noticed that my being or soul craves depression in a way. It feels appropriate to be in company with depression. When I am depressed I am connected to or drawn to certain forms of expression with an either direct or subtle undertone of depression. Basically I like depressing or sad art-forms such as paintings, sculpture, dance, movies, theater and especially music. (Music more so due to the abundance and accessibility)
I feel a solace when my depression has company. This could be for one of two reasons…or possibly a combination of both. The first reason is being drawn to depressing forms of expression is comforting in a way…I’m sharing a somewhat similar feeling with the artist who created this depressing work. I feel encouraged knowing that other people have been and are presently experiencing comparable desolation. Misery loves company as they say. This for me does not apply so very often though. I prefer thinking I’m the only person in the world who is as depressed as I am at that moment, very narcissistic I know.
The second reason for my attraction to depressing forms of expression, which now that I write this I feel applies to me quite a bit more, is how they fuel my depression. When I listen to depressing music for example it is because I want to be depressed. A depressing catalyst and constant presence of sad music helps me to grieve…it helps me ultimately BE. And at that moment I need to BE depressed. I don’t need or want to be anything but depressed. I know it will most likely pass in time because my depression comes in waves as opposed to a constant force. It comes crashing down, especially if I try to hold it in over time and “bottle it up”. So when I’m feeling depressed I enjoy the sad lonely music, the movies telling a story of loss, the sculpture completed in black onyx imitating sorrow and so on. These forms of expression are tools, they help me channel my depression. They are the vessel I use to ride my wave of bleakness and sometimes misery. My body, mind, emotions and spirit are aligned when I allow myself to walk through my depression. So in closing I just to thank Radiohead and Bob Dylan.
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