A city a few hours outside of Quito which seems to me like it’s a hip burrow just outside of a modern European metropolis. The people are fantastic…coming from all walks of life and quite a broad demographic compared to the rest of Ecuador and Colombia. Muchos gringos too, maybe that’s what makes it so different for me…but maybe not. Everyone seems so friendly and sans the horror stories of Quito which kept my guard up and my approachability down. There’s just this energy in the air, you walk down the street feeling happier…like you know something everyone else doesn’t know and you’re smirk can’t exactly hide it. There’s so much to do in the lush mountainous city, kayaking, rafting, rock climbing, numerous hikes, bungee jumping and so much more. We kept quite busy filling our days with all the activity before our volunteering began for the day.
I was so excited to volunteer, all of the volunteers within the organization seem to be the salt of the earth…very genuine and happy to be giving back a bit. They’re all 22 years old basically, out of college and exploring the world, soaking up God’s magnificence, different cultures, new friends and starting their lives outside of school…becoming who they’re meant to be. Deja Vu, this is all so familiar and nearly 12 years later…talk about surreal…it’s like 12 years of my life never happened…I’m confused.
I feel old too…I am old though…I guess. Damn. These kids are so full of life and I’m old and starting my life over, that’s frightening and it pisses me off. All my plans and future goals scrapped, like a bad drawing crumpled up and tossed off the rim of a nearby waste basket…only to bounce off and settle near several companions. Game over…Retry??? I don’t want to start over, I want my old life back…I want Jess back. I still just can’t believe she’s gone. Everything I was praying, believing and hoping for is like salt on the wound. Why Jess? Why me? Why God, why?
I feel that this town has consoled me in it’s own way though, that I was meant to come here. I feel a little bit more alive than I have in the past few months. Although I cannot help thinking of how much Jessica would have absolutely adored everything about Baños. I believe she too witnessed my journey because she was not shy regarding her signs of love. I really felt her presence and here’s a quick story explaining why.
I have written before about how I believe Jess speaks to me through the wind and butterflies. Well I was taking a hike in the morning one day up to the top of one of the mountains to see the Cross which overlooks the entire town, I was accompanied by a new friend, Jenna. Well when I arrived on the top I prayed and spoke to God while overlooking this valley filled with a mini metropolis. I also spoke to Jess and told her how much I missed her…I opened my heart and just tried to stay present. Well I was visited by a butterfly just before we headed back down, no big deal though. Also, I don’t share my story with every person I meet because it’s so difficult to speak about, but I shared it with Jenna that day. So as we continued our 25 minute decline we started to discuss God, faith and Jess. I started to speak about what our faith did for absolutely everything in our lives and what it continues to do for me every day. As I spoke to Jenna, who is not a religious person at the moment, we started to get numerous visitors. I didn’t see one butterfly during our 45 minute ascent but now they were flying by us constantly, no joke I must have seen at least a dozen or so butterflies…all different types and sizes too. I told Jenna how I feel about Jessica using these winged beauties to speak to me and they were all fluttering about during our discussion. Goosebumps. It was a very good feeling to say the least…I was all smiles.
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