Guilt Stricken with Grief

I’m guilt stricken with grief for not feeling like I’m not distraught or depressed enough…even though some days are impossible and there’s several moments which can turn into hours every day which are extremely emotional, difficult and sometime physically hurt my body. I feel guilty for not being bedridden for my entire conscious life. I feel guilty for laughing, like I’m celebrating too much. I feel guilty for being normal and getting lost in a moment where I don’t think about my wife’s passing. I feel guilty for being in a good mood, like somehow somebody might think that’s how I always am and judge me for it. I feel better after crying…like I’ve put my time in or something. It sounds absurd but I can’t help but feel guilty for so much. Like if I’m not doubled over in anguish I didn’t love her enough or my grief doesn’t equate to the amount of love we shared.

I must think more about Jess, more about God and less about myself…