I am out in Arizona with one of my best friends, Anthony, and his family. His father who’s name is also Anthony is battling Stage 4 rectal cancer. He text me out of the blue asking for prayers for his father who was rushed to the ER…and he wanted help with his faith…he wanted help with trying to make sense of everything. I could tell he was really having a very difficult time dealing with everything and of course I experienced a bit of Déjà Vu. God put it in my heart to go be with Tony and his family, so here I am in Tucson 3 weeks after Jessica went back to be with The Lord.
I believe God gave me the urge to come be with Tony for two reasons; to try and teach him what faith is and to give my humble opinion regarding holistic cancer treatments. I have been praying nonstop for Tony, his family and especially his father. I have also asked many people to pray for him as well…one being a Spanish-speaking nun in the middle of the airport. I saw her standing in the airport, thought about approaching her to ask her to pray for Tony’s dad, hesitated, then went up to her only to discover she didn’t speak English…but I speak fluent Spanglish so I was able to ask her to pray for him and she gave me a Jesus prayer card.
This is also so very difficult because of the obvious, but I truly believe that God brought me here for a reason. It’s the first time I’ve had to take a trip without my wife, which is sobering. It just makes me think of all the experiences she and I will miss out on…but it is nice experiencing the joys of travel again. It makes me excited to start my journey honoring my wife across the world…and I know she’ll be with me throughout. I also know she’s here with me now helping to guide Tony and his family to make the correct decisions and help them walk through this extremely difficult time with faith.
Side note…life has changed so very much but it an odd and surreal way I feel like a child experiencing life for the first time. It’s quite different however, instead of wide eyed excitement it’s a dark and depressing feeling. Every day I come to the sad realization that I will never check in with her again, tell her an exciting story, dance, cry together, debate over something silly, hold her in bed, take pictures with her, tickle her, get upset when she makes fun of me, hear her laugh, console her while she cries, help her release her anger, workout with her, go on bike rides, share a bottle of wine and an infinite additional experiences…but I know what I miss most are the memories we didn’t create, the things we dreamed of doing but won’t have the opportunity to pursue…that’s the realization that haunts me the most.
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