Desert Hike

I went for a desert hike today, Sabino Canyon. 8.5 miles, 4000ft of elevation change and it was 95 degrees. First time I have ever hiked in the desert midday in an extremely hot time of year. I went solo, never felt alone but I was lonely. I kept thinking that Jessica would have enjoyed doing this…especially with me. I missed helping her climb, sharing a meal and a few breaks in the shade, swimming at the halfway point & cliff jumping, praying together, laughing, making loud fart noises that echo off the canyon walls and just loving each other plain and simple. We loved being together and especially experiencing new and adventurous ventures…it somehow made us feel more alive and more in love. I truly miss sharing life with Jessica, it’s all very different now and I’m learning how to walk this path without her. It’s sad and depressing but it’s also empowering because I feel myself getting stronger, shedding fears and growing in spirituality, wisdom, self realization and leaving insecurities along my way. I believe that she is helping me. Before, if I did a hike like this and she was back home, I would tell her about everything afterwards…but she wouldn’t really see it through my eyes or capture the full experience. A person can only relate so much through a story but I feel like she is here with me and we are walking through different adventures together. I feel safer than I’ve ever felt before, freer and less burdened by life’s constant pressure….which I truly don’t feel at all really. (Because I’ve learned to stay present even more…and that the “pressures” of life are insignificant) No matter what I do she will help, she will guide and she will protect. I spoke to her throughout my hike, out loud as if she was behind me. I also cried and laughed. I mourned and grieved and I will continue to do this forever I guess….but she will help me.