Typically I think of myself as a very fearless person but now that Jessica is gone I find that I’m frightful for certain things I plan on doing. Normally I would be overly joyed about going on a mission trip but now that I’m going solo, I am discovering a newfound fear and timidness about taking this journey. But I then consider the fact that she is and always will be with me through this…at each and every endeavor…and it gives me strength. I want to honor my wife and continue to make her proud. I feel that by doing this I will continue to strengthen our bond somehow…that if I stumble and make poor decisions I will not honor her appropriately. I also don’t fear death as I did before. It’s not that I would ever dream of taking my own life or be irresponsible about my health and wellness in any way…I just know she’s waiting for me on the other side and I’m not scared of death. I am afraid of dying of course but I know it will ultimately lead to my reunion with Jessica….a day I look forward to.
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