Caretaker

My little brother Nicky was bedridden with the flu today. I had to bring him some stuff like fluids, crackers and what not…the typical flu remedies. After seeing how sick he was I decided to take care of him for most of the day. I even spent the night just to make sure he would be better by morning. I hung out in the living room and he of course stayed in his bedroom the entire time. I would check up on him here and there but he would just text me when he needed something, this was more difficult than I thought because it reminded me of how Jessica would do the same all throughout the day. This would happen quite often…and to be perfectly 100% honest I truly never minded receiving sometimes 50 texts in one day for one reason or another. I miss receiving her texts. All she had to do was text me a letter, not even a whole word like “help” and I came running. Truly I would run up the stairs like it was Christmas morning. Most times she would misspell “help” like “hlp” or she would just text “need you”. Just writing that brings tears to my eyes because I’ll never receive that text again from her. Her dependence on me was the absolute best feeling, when I would walk in from work some days we would both truly light up, I would compare it to children running into their parents arms or dogs jumping on their owners…except better…much better because of what we were going through together. The battle and the war brings you closer, the faith we shared and the love for each other and God grew.

I miss helping my wife with every little stupid thing. I miss caring for her. I miss feeding her. I miss walking with her. I miss helping her do every menial task no matter what it was. I miss hugging her. I miss kissing her. I miss laughing with her. I miss loving her.

All I can say is I actually miss taking care of somebody, especially when that somebody was my wife. I hope I can find that joy again on my journey while I try to take care of myself, take care of my friend and take care of others who need the help.