Your Beloved

This disintegrating, yellow legal note has been a constant companion over these past two years. The banana coloring and weathered appearance resemble the short lived journey of the sensitive fruit. A new spot here, fresh tearing along the corner, creases so cemented they’re thinning into transparency. And rightly so, this little guy resided in my pocket over tens of thousands of miles and 15 or so countries. We’ve traversed seas, mountains, deserts and everything between using innumerable modes of transportation. It is without a doubt, my greatest possession. Invaluable actually, like a priceless artifact with no equal. It has served as a trophy of sorts, a declaration of my value to another … my most valued other. I would read it when I felt useless, sorrowful, lost and crushed as well as peaceful, elated and content. Rubbing the fragile page between my fingertips gave me the sensation she was speaking the message but from beyond. I could almost catch the shadow of her voice as it faded into silence. I needed to read it often, as I could no longer hear it passed over her lips…this takes some getting used to. This message has also served as a talisman or amulet at times as I’ve patted its location within my pocket before making major decisions and taking not so opportune chances.

I am deeply proud to have meant this much to another, someone not tied to my being by blood or history, something harder to find, difficult to maintain and even more so to develop. As the note’s condition declined, I felt it would be better to keep safe elsewhere. I also felt the written message had transcended beyond paper, settling deep within my being. Today was the first time I went about my day without my constant companion. I have placed the note within a safer home. The frame is weathered and the note somewhat crooked, mimicking life as it seemingly floats without aid.

I will forever carry the message, no longer as a tangible presence within my pocket but within my heart. It is not only a sign of our love but of my growth. And for this I thank you my Beloved, God must really, really love me.