Usually we hear “it”, that subtle signal from within, a gentle urge to pursue a particular path and at other times to avoid it. I define “it” as a force of nature, our heart’s inclination towards one side of a decision. I used to ignore this force, not intentionally of course, I just didn’t understand it. Better yet I didn’t even know it existed. Like a little kid on a road trip who tunes out the GPS voice as all the outside distraction blurs by. I’ve stopped ignoring it now, because now I know “it” exists. This is because my late wife, Jessica, taught me to listen to my heart.
“Something is telling me we shouldn’t do this.” I can still hear that sweet voice echo in my being. And at first I dismissed the warning. “That’s just nerves baby, don’t worry… it’ll be fine.” It wasn’t fine. She proved herself right, well life proved her right… and after a few of those life lessons I began listening to her heart.
“What does ‘it’ tell you we should do baby?” She became my compass, our compass. That’s normal right? When in doubt, or even when in confidence, ask your wife. No brainer, Marriage 101.
“You have it too you know, you don’t always have to check with me. Like right now, stop… listen. What is your heart telling you we should do?” a single eyebrow peaked to the accompaniment of a mischievous grin.
“Is this a test?” my head tilted as my eyes narrowed.
“No. It’s not. Listen to your heart, what’s it saying?”
I took a moment. Inhaled, exhaled, and just listened. After a few moments my eyes opened. I scanned her expectant face with skepticism. My words seeped out in a high pitched crawl, “That we should do this? I feel good. Light, almost airy, that’s good right?”
“Well then there ya go… and you better be right!” firm pat on the back as she turned to leave.
“Wait a second, no need to jump ship just because I’m at the helm for a moment! What does your heart say?” I yelled as she bounded up the apartment steps.
“My heart agrees with yours.” she yelled back, I grinned like a little boy flaunting a participation ribbon.
I was right, she was right, we were right. So that’s when I realized “it” was a thing. Gut instinct as some say, intuition, the inner compass. Most gents tend to ignore this with day to day shit and even when it comes to major decisions. We do however tune in when that protective instinct surfaces, “Ug Ug, Me man… me protect pretty girl and defenseless child.” The ladies pay more attention to it on a day to day basis. Women just tend to ignore it when it goes against what they want, which makes no sense whatsoever. God bless ‘em. Jess relied on it, and she taught me to do the same, but I helped her increase her credit score, so there’s that. I don’t go a day without conferring with “it”, even little stuff as it’s my true compass. I take time making decisions, allowing my emotions to release while letting that guidance ascend to the surface. “Now I feel confident about this course, now I’m ready. Yes, I’ll wear this t-shirt today.” So far my heart has never lead me down the wrong path. Even if it is one of trial, I always end up learning a lesson and evolving from it in some small measure.
There’s more to “it” too, there’s signs, omens, signals, guidance, literal and sometimes tangible perceptions manifested within our earthly confines which confirm our heart’s persuasion. I fucking love these. They’re rather fascinating aren’t they? Guidance from above, Confirmations from beyond, Signs from the Universe, God’s encouragement. Think about that for a moment would you? Not only are we urged through some unknown inner force whether to pursue or avoid a possible route in life, we also receive visual confirmation at times just to hammer in the point. It’s truly mind blowing.
These supernatural signs and celestial omens came up in a somewhat recent conversation with a dear friend. A few weeks ago she shared a pretty wonderful story explaining how some rather encouraging signs appeared for an unsettled decision. These omens were very much in favor of her pursuing this decision. I can’t go into detail on what she saw but you’ve experienced them too. A song with unmistakable meaning pops up on the radio… which you never listen to anymore, a doppelganger is your waiter, déjà vu, a random number, message, or item appears where it shouldn’t, ravens, songbirds, cats, hummingbirds and gorillas, okay maybe no gorillas, butterflies… a personal favorite, street signs you just so happen to notice, the mailman or mailwoman, mailperson? mistakenly delivers a package belonging to your neighbor… I can name dozens of examples but you get it. The point being these coincidences or occurrences provide just the right amount of encouragement you need to settle a decision.
I loved hearing my friend’s passion shine through as she explained the significance of what the “Universe” was telling her. Come to find out she listened to her gut, heeded the omens and favorably made the decision. This turned to out to be quite the blessing… big fucking surprise right? Now just a little backstory on my friend here, she struggles with a few ongoing confidence issues, unfortunately they’re a major insecurity for her.
I was out to lunch with her a little while back and we found ourselves in the midst of dissecting yet another confidence issue. See the thing is she has the tendency to devalue herself, and it’s completely and utterly unnecessary for endless reasons. As she poured her heart out regarding this newest reason for being worthless she looked up to find me grinning ear to ear.
“Why are you smiling?”
“I’m just entertained by all of this.” I repeatedly tapped my fork upon the table.
“How do you find it so entertaining? I’m so happy my suffering can be the cause for such amusement.” she spewed out her reply while continually leaning closer and closer as her hands clenched together.
“Okay hold on a sec, please let me explain why I’m entertained before the lynching begins.” I smiled again, she nodded in approval.
“A few weeks ago you told me a story, a really wonderful and encouraging story of receiving signs from the “Universe”, right?”
“Yes… but what does that… “
“I’m getting to that.” I interjected, she slumped back into her chair.
“From your words, not mine, you perceived the Universe guiding you. As I recall, you felt that it was urging your being in a particular direction, planting a seed of guidance within your heart as well as aiding you further by manifesting visual confirmation. This is all correct, yes?” I asked, she nodded to the accompaniment of narrowing eyes. I smiled again.
“Just follow me a bit further.” I patted her forearm.
“So you’re telling me the Motherfucking Universe is literally changing, morphing, creating, and manifesting literal, physical and tangible signals for your own wellbeing and prosperity. Signals you perceive with healthy eyes, signs you comprehend with an intelligent mind, and omens you understand with a beating heart. This is All arranged, organized and completed for YOU, for your benefit, for your existence, and for your purpose. Correct?” she nodded again as a wave of gravity washed over her face.
“Then please explain to me why the Universe is going through all this trouble if you hold no value?” Fork. Drop.
Silence. The restaurant bustle heightens, random conversation swells. Her brow furrows, lips purse, eyes roll down, head dips, shoulders sink. Her hair falls over her ears, creating a barrier from the world around her. She plays with her fingers, untangling an invisible thread wrapped around them.
“Be patient Joe. Don’t say a word. Wait for it… just a bit longer… Not yet… almost there… Yes. There it is.”
Her fingers stop fidgeting, goosebumps ripple up her forearms, her head picks up, a delicate finger places her hair back behind her ears, shoulders widen, her countenance softens, she looks me in the eye, hers bulging a bit, dampened but now brimming with confidence, with purpose, with understanding. She smiles. She nods then nervously bites her bottom lip. I smile, grabbing her hands now, squeezing them as I lean in closer. She leans in too, I hold her gaze, waiting a moment before releasing my brewing thought, “The Universe is telling me that you’re paying for lunch.”
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