Proof

We stood there lined up, overlooking the unmolested horizon. Leila, Jessica’s stepmom, to my right, Zak, Jess’s not so little brother to Leila’s right, and Meemo, her even more-so not so little sister to my left. Five and a half years had gone by since their father, Leila’s Beloved, Hutch, had passed. And it had been nearly four since Jessica herself migrated to the beyond.

Even under a gloomy overcast, the majestic ocean expanse infused a sensation of familiarity for whatever lies beyond this life. Like sharing in an unspoken tale with a lifelong friend, some resolute truth resided within my being. I looked to each of them with pride, with honor, as their gazes navigated the lackluster sunset. We casually leaned on the metal railing preventing an accidental plunge to the beach below. Two vibrant Mexican blankets draped over the steel poles for added comfort. I inhaled the fresh air as well as the moment with gratitude… something about an ocean breeze always helps me feel larger, stand taller. Our reticence was mutual as each one of us reflected on various existential considerations. At least I assume that to be the case. I personally cannot help reflecting on matters beyond this reality when ingesting the ocean’s breadth. As we gazed over the open water from our cliffside perch, I considered the immense trial we had and continue to navigate, individually speaking, and also as a family. I paused my reflections, allowing this humbly brilliant idea to settle in before turning to each of them in turn and sharing it. “Let’s all of us, ask for a sign from our Beloveds.” With total compliance each of us in turn did as requested. It was as if I asked them to enjoy the view. I couldn’t help myself, I grinned. Then, I prayed. I prayed to Jessica, to Hutch, asking them for confirmation of what I already knew so resolutely within my own heart. And I believed they would deliver, I just didn’t know in what form.

Our shared silence was rather impactful, I was nearly overwhelmed with gratitude, with pride, with love. We were a family. Plain and simple. We were missing Dalia, Hass, and Gabriel, but they too stood there with us in some measure. We could have very easily abandoned our bonds over the years, finding easy justification to do so as any such reason would suffice. Who would blame us? Grief excuses nearly any misstep. But we didn’t, we fought to keep our bond, fought for one another, fought through the pain and grief… and if anything grew infinitely closer through our resolution. As I reflected on our achievement with beaming pride and a very full heart, the silence was broken with casual conversation.

I held fast to my recent request as Leila and I chatted. The cloud cover broke open just a bit, extending a sliver of sunshine down upon the calm surface below. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I caught a slight anomaly on that same surface. “What was that?” I inquired, scanning the area of the disturbance and pointing it out to the rest. “Our 11 o’clock. Look there, something moved.” There it was again, twice more now. “Dolphins!” We shouted with glee. A small pod of dolphins had arrived, my heart blossomed with joy. We had our sign, and thus were overjoyed with the visit as a few dorsal fins casually breached the surface.

Confirmation, or so I thought. As we oohed and awwed away; two dolphins, not one, not three or more, but two dolphins literally jumped fully from the ocean in unison like a fucking Seaworld show then returned back into the water with a perfect dive. Easily five or six feet jumped out of the ocean. It was Un-bee-leave-a-ble. We were stunned, shocked, crying, overjoyed, I peed a little, elated, and shouting for more. “Do a flip! Yeah! Woohoo! More, higher this time!” We cheered, joked, and applauded… finding it necessary to laquer the phenomenon over with comedy because it was just so damn unimaginable. We knew, each one of us knew, with all of our being that our wish had been granted, our request heard loud and clear, and without further adieu ladies and gentlemen… dolphins jumping out of the mother fucking ocean just to prove it. I even asked a few San Diego natives about the rarity of such an event and all three of them confirmed the phenomenon. “Maybe at Seaworld, but not while taking in a sunset.” Suckers.

I get a lot of signs from Jess, each and every day, more than anybody knows… but this was something special. That kind of knuckle cracking, hold my beer type of special which I will cherish forever. Leila, Zak, Meemo, and myself embraced, leaving a small gap for the other three back in Michigan too. That big, fun group hug awesomeness which you can’t help but laughing throughout. I said a prayer, one expressing gratitude, a simple thank you for astonishing me, reminding me what I already knew, already believed, already felt deep within my everything. A truth which I have not only believed but embodied for nearly four years to the day. Death is a falsehood. I don’t believe Jessica ever died, because I don’t believe in death. She’s proved this to me time and time again. With her passing, with her unwavering guidance, with her eternal love she has set me free. For I no longer fear death. I don’t know what lies beyond and I don’t really give two shits either. I just know that I’m here for a reason, here to fulfill my purpose. To share these truths with those who may listen, and to love. Beloved, thank you for continuing to guide me not from beyond, but from within.

With love,

Your Beloved.