It comes up, of course it does, why wouldn’t it? Where is your wife now? Are you married? That tattoo says Jessica Marie in Arabic…is that your girlfriend? You said you own a health & wellness company with your wife in Chicago…where is she now? I sometimes try to avoid, at all costs, speaking about my personal life…bringing up even the smallest details can quickly snowball into my explanation of why I am where I am and doing what I’m doing. I am meeting new people and making new friends on a daily basis and sometimes I feel inclined to share my story with a particular soul and sometimes I prefer to hide it…dodging questions and circling around back to them…all of a sudden I’m interviewing them about the slightest of details surrounding their personal lives…I’m fortunate that most enjoy speaking about themselves. I miss the depth I desire through conversation. I want to share my story and my struggle with others but it is not meant to happen like I would just yet.
I recently listened to a message from one of my Pastors at Soul City Church, Jeanne Stevens, which she gave this past Sunday. The main focus was confessing your sins…and your deeper struggles to others…to a mini community so that you may experience God’s grace through doing so. I miss being able to do this…everyone here is usually on a different level and divulging my sins, my secrets and my struggles would make most hightail outta here quite quickly…they’re on a different path, on a contrasting level than I. Of course I am so very blessed to have such a strong and close-knit community of friends and family back home…but out here it’s sometimes difficult to lay it all out via Facetime or Skype…I crave that in person connection…not the piteous kind of reaction but the deep understanding of my journey. This does not come instantly nor easily…this is just like any other relationship…building over time…trusting more and more over the journey and ultimately becoming strong…becoming desired and then even necessary. I was in a small group before, ten or so like minded gentleman opening up…sharing their struggles…as well as their triumphs…and it was so very powerful. This collection of ordinary men banding together to listen to each other…to just listen…not to judge…and not to advise. Growth, strength, release, trust, hope, kindness and ultimately deliverance is achieved….Grace follows…not just from your fellow group members…but bigger than that…Grace from God. A euphoric feeling upon exiting the room after a good session, much like any good therapeutic activity but somehow more profound. I’m not telling my journey to someone paid to listen and advise…I’m sharing my journey with new friends…and I’m humbled & honored to be with them along theirs. This is a great bond…this is love…and I miss it, especially now. I am healing in different manners not available back home but I look forward to the day I can walk through new doors ready to share…ready to listen…ready to heal & grow…preparing myself and others to receive God’s wonderful Grace.
Comments