Listen

Why is it I feel this insatiable feeling of entitlement? This never ceasing desire to want more, to need more…to expect more. My life is endlessly burdened with the pursuit of a happier existence like I’m owed something. It’s supposed to happen…everyone I know is waiting expectantly for everything to just line up perfectly. It’s right around the corner…I can just feel it. As long as this happens and then this other thing too…then finally…that will be the last puzzle piece…then…then I will be content…I will be happy. Maybe it’s all the fairy tales or eighties movies with the perfect endings that have cursed me to believe it will all work out…just…keep…on…pushing. Keep on keeping on…and it will eventually come together…it has to? It does have to…right? I’m not crazy to expect that I am? Do others think this way too? Is someone on the opposite side of the world sitting there and expecting something better? Are they playing a mental game of chess betting on situations to come to them that bring some kind of deserved peace and joy? Is it an American mentality to think this way? No, I don’t believe that it is…it can’t be…I’ve met many travelers from all over the world who think like this…you can see it in their eyes…searching for the solution which brings meaning…the one that finally clicks and solidifies their existence. They’re going to figure it all out on some magnificent adventure…that’s the reason they embarked in the first place.

But sometimes I don’t find what I’m looking for on my adventures. How come when things don’t work out I sometimes don’t take the hint? Even after being beaten down time and time again we are preprogrammed to think that it won’t happen again…that had to be the last time something wouldn’t work out for me…I’ve been through too much…I don’t deserve this…not me.

Is this some kind of theatrical drama He cast me in…all of us? Why can’t I come to find that elusive purpose? What is it? Why can’t I find it, I’ve bought everything, spoken to everyone, read everything, watched everything, tried everything, went everywhere and still I’m as lost as I was when I first started…maybe even more so now…this is so difficult…I kind of hate it all sometimes. It doesn’t make sense, I’m so confused and I pretend to have it all figured out but I don’t. I need to put that front up though…you know so they don’t think I’m not perfect…so they think I don’t feel this pain and hurt…this worry and sorrow. Just smile…I’m fine…how are you? I’m great actually, aren’t you great too? Am I even looking for the right thing? What was I looking for? I don’t even remember now. I don’t have anything figured out do I? How did I get here? What the hell happened??? This is not what I wanted…why did I let this go on for so long?

Stop.

Just stop. It’s already there. I have it, you have it, we all have it…it’s right there. You’re looking in the wrong place, close your eyes and listen…it’s right in front of you, within you actually. No not that, you know it’s not that…and not that either…that’s just another distraction…can you feel it now??? Yes…listen, what is your heart telling you?

There. That’s it, you’ve found it. Listen to it, let it guide you and feel your way to it. Yes. That. That’s it…you’re doing it. That’s where you start. Start there and don’t stop. Don’t stop…it will always be there, guiding you. It’s not a curse…not a burden…it’s a blessing. Yes a blessing…listen to it and go after it. Yes you can, don’t be scared…just do it. Just do it and don’t turn back…never forget. No…it’s not too late…it’s never too late. Trust it. This won’t be easy but it will be worth it later, you’ll look back with pride…without regret. I know they might not agree…who cares what they think…they’re scared too. You’re not doing it for them. The best thing you can do for them is listening to it. Yes…go for it…let it be your compass. You’re doing it…that’s Him you know…that’s His love guiding you…it cannot be wrong.