Many people have been posting this article and after reading it I decided to write something respectfully debating all of the author’s points. Enjoy.
“Sex becomes almost non-existent”
All aspects of a relationship go through phases of maturity and change, that’s part of life…one cannot expect things to stay the same throughout the term of a life together. Don’t age, you’re not as sexy now as you were 10 years ago…yeah no shit! But we’ve also grown more in love over those ten years, learned things about each other we never knew, overcame difficulties and trying times together and through those arduous adventures we’ve grown closer…more in love. You must accept the “bad” along with the “good”…because expecting perfection and an unending happily ever after without change and maturation is naive.
The same is true with sex, throughout the ages it has always becomes “non existent”, that’s nothing new, although quite an exaggeration. I recall seeing the same jokes about marriage and the lack of sex on TV programs when I was a kid. This is not a new problem for this generation…we are pushed to be and pursue perfection just as our parents were and their parents before them. Sex is tricky, and if you expect it to be all hot & steamy for the entirety of your marriage without working to keep the passion level close to what you experienced when you first started being intimate with each other…well than you will definitely be disappointed. The importance of sex cannot at all be overlooked and neither partner over time cuts sex off like a punishment…both want it and enjoy it, but it is difficult to just to turn that switch on. It’s not always positioned to “ready” like it was when you were both 23…so you have to be more romantic, have special dinner nights, time away from everything but your spouse…working to create those intimate moments, yes work at it…it takes commitment and hard work. Over time though you will see sex become so much more than sex…making love after overcoming a super difficult life challenge surpasses any kind of passionate moment gifted to you by mere lust.
My wife and I have struggled with matching our sexual desires but just like anything else you have to compromise and work at whatever the issue is in order strive and make each other happy…because their happiness transfers into yours..you love them and they love you. True & uncompromising love is more important than any other aspect of a marriage and seeps into all of those other characters…which then in turn improves upon them.
“Finances cripple us.”
Finances is an easier argument. Two peoples income is more than one person's income and the cost of living on your own is higher than sharing your home with another. Half the rent or mortgage, even though you might have a slightly larger house or apartment than if you were single. Half the utilities, splitting grocery bills and buying in bulk saves, sharing a car possibly, splitting the cost of decor and furniture. Even vacations are cheaper for two or more people! There are dozens of examples. Single people don’t desire all these things too, a nice house, nice car, vacations and nice things? Of course they do, finances will always be looming over one's existence but sharing the burden makes life easier, plain and simple. Paying for my college tuition on my own or my wife and I paying for both of our tuition is exactly the same thing when it comes down to numbers…but here’s the true difference. At least when times get tough and our bank accounts are low I can turn to her and she to me and we can know that we have something so much more important than money, something it honestly can’t buy, our true & uncompromising love. Someone to tell us that it’s okay, everything will turn out as it should…someone to hold us at night when your financial world seems to be collapsing in around you…knowing that you are blessed no matter what because someone loves you unconditionally…for richer or for poorer.
“We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.”
I remember being 12 or so and my mom would tell me that I could only play video games for one hour a day. Why did she do that? Well mainly because I was a child and if left to my own devices I would have played for 12 hours straight…and sometimes I did when I had the opportunity. Why she limited my exposure to video games is because she knew that there was more to life than technology, because she is an adult. She knows that I should go outside and play, get dirty, make friends, play sports and even get into trouble…because life is more than just technology. Again you have to work at it, set boundaries and strive to have that in-person connection. My wife Jessica and I would have a rule while eating dinner, whether at home or out, no phones. Here we are setting rules for ourselves like parents do for children because we also knew the importance of sharing real life together, we knew where temptation lies and therefore set boundaries the thwart it. We didn’t want to get caught up in the world of social media and the web, choosing a digital world over a tangible one. It’s difficult because you fall into that routine of being on your phone All. Of. The. Time…but just put it down, I promise you won’t miss it when you hear her laugh and stare into her eyes.
Just like the generations before us, there’s always something that will distract us from spending time together and usually it’s advancements in technology, the radio when it was first invented, then TV, then the web, now apps and social media…you’re telling me my grandparents are celebrating their 60 year anniversary because they didn’t have Pinterest? Ummmm no, they’re celebrating 60 years because of hard work and the true love it took to get them to that point.
Take walks together, cook together…it’s seriously so much fun, throw on a record and dance together, pull the sheet over your head and tell stories of your childhood, laugh uncontrollably together about embarrassing moments…work at having fun, continue to get to know each other, learn from each other and fall deeper in love. There is no end when it comes to love, you cannot max out or reach the limit.
“Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.”
Our desire for attention does not outweigh our desire to be loved. Our desire for attention is a superficial way OF us receiving the love we truly desire. Yes people want to be popular on social media and they count the likes and enjoy the comments, I do it too…but that doesn’t come close to competing with the ethereal character of true love. It’s not even in the same realm.
Give them the attention they want and deserve and you will find yourself receiving it back as well. Serenade your spouse, make dinner for them unexpectedly, rub your fingers through their hair and massage their scalp…the guys love this! Show up at their work just to give them a kiss, just for a kiss and then leave…“honey I just really needed a kiss.” It will blow their mind and they’ll ever be consumed with joy after that. Buy them flowers because it’s Wednesday, pay attention to what they say…repeat it back and mention it down the road, listen…just listen…but with your eyes and your heart…don’t say a word but look deeply into their eyes without averting your attention. Share everything with them, cry on their lap and let them cry on yours. Tell them thank you for no reason at all, just for being so amazing. Say I love you all of the time and mean it. They want and deserve attention as do you…who better to get it from than your true love…yes this all takes hard work, again this is a common theme here but it’s not hard work at all when you’re doing it…like watching someone unwrap a gift you get more out of it than they do.
“Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.”
Social media is not our downfall, it’s a mere distraction. It’s possible to turn your phone off, leave it at home even…and probably the most rational solution is balance. I take pictures of sunsets almost every day from where I’m temporary living right now, and many of those I share with friends and family. I also post them on the web and sometimes I don’t take a picture of the setting sun at all…I want it all for me…I don’t want to share…keeping this moment to myself and making it more special in a way. The same holds true to your life, share some of what you like but keep some for yourself and your spouse. It will feel even more special that you didn’t share it, just try and you’ll see.
There’s always obstacles to distract us from the most important things in life…but in my opinion there is no greater joy than sharing your life with your partner, your best friend, your spouse, your true love…your soulmate. It takes hard work and in the end, if you let it rise to the top and don’t get caught up in all of the unimportant aspects of life, than love will conquer all…even death.
I write this from a small town in Costa Rica, as I’m traveling alone through Central America. I’m sitting here thinking that if Jessica and I, as a married couple could have gotten past the three years of fighting cancer, the brain surgeries, the 60 nights of emergency room visits and hospital stays with me at her side each and every night, the numerous amount of procedures and at home care, moving out of our house after 8 years and moving in with my parents, literally carrying her from room to room and feeding her and eventually her unexpected passing almost 9 months ago that our eventual downfall would have been not enough sex, money, technology, lack of attention or social media?? Well all I can do is sit back and smirk…yes in the dismissive and somewhat arrogant kind of way because I know better than that. I’m not saying we didn’t have our problems, what I’m saying is that those very problems were a blessing. Jessica and I wanted to be better for each other, we wanted to work on our own insecurities and issues so that we could in turn make the other happier…and in another turn we would actually improve on ourselves and our marriage.
I am no longer married and I too am a believer in true love…because I still experience it…even death is an obstacle not overcome by true love. I can honestly and wholeheartedly say that it was the absolute best feeling I’ve ever experienced. My hope and dream is that for each and everyone to find their perfect spouse…so that together they may have the opportunity to overcome any and all obstacles life brings their way…overcome solely with with the one reason marriage can work…love.
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